“So I took the kids down to see a Blue Jays game at the Skydome,” Molly was saying to the guys as she poured their coffee the other morning at Mabel’s Grill.”
“The way the Jays are playing this year mightn’t that be considered child abuse?” wondered George McKenzie.
“By the way, you didn’t go to the Skydome, you went to the Rogers Centre,” said Dave Winston. “They changed the name years ago.”
“It’ll always be the Skydome to me,” said Molly.
“Who can keep up with these name changes,” wondered Cliff Murray. “I mean I just got used to the idea the Maple Leafs played in the Air Canada Centre after all the years at Maple Leaf Gardens and now they’re changing the name to the Scotiabank Arena. What’s that all about?”
“About $800 million over 20 years,” said George. “That’s what I hear Scotiabank is paying the Maple Leafs.”
“Remember the good old days when these places had names that meant something – like Maple Leaf Gardens or the Forum?” asked Mabel.
“That was before the owners realized they could get millions for letting some company put their name on the building,” said George.
“But don’t these teams have any pride?” wondered Cliff. “I mean the Chicago White Socks play in a stadium called Guaranteed Rate Field, for heaven sake. If you played for that team wouldn’t you feel your team had sold out?”
“Not if it means they can pay you a million more per season,” said George.
“Could be worse, I guess,” said Dave. “Your stadium could be named after some company that makes chicken diapers.”
“Yeah, right!” scoffed George. “As if chickens need diapers.”
“No, it’s true,” said Dave. “I heard about it on the radio and apparently people are paying close to $30 for reuseable diapers for their backyard chickens!”
“Yeah, but how many people are stupid enough to buy diapers for their chickens?” wondered Cliff.
“Apparently the company that makes them has sold more than 5,000 of them,” said Dave.
“Time to revise that old saying about there’s a sucker born every minute!” said George. “Seems we’re rolling them out faster than ever.”
“Think about how much your eggs are costing if each chicken has a $30 diaper,” said Mabel.
“So I stopped keeping chickens around our yard because I got tired of stepping in chicken doodoo but I hardly think I need to buy diapers just so they won’t fertilize the grass,” said Cliff.
“Well apparently most people aren’t getting diapers for their chickens when they’re in the back yard,” said Dave. “They’re getting them for when the chickens come in the house!”
“The only time I want a chicken in my house is when I put it in the oven,” said Molly, “and by then it’s beyond making a mess.”
“Well apparently some people can’t bear to keep their chickens in the yard,” said Dave. “They want them in the house with the family.”
“This is getting nuttier and nuttier,” growled George. “Next thing you’ll tell me they want to sleep with their chickens. I mean who wants a chicken in bed with them?”
“I could make a remark about some of the guys in my experience but I won’t,” said Molly.
“Well the thing that worries me is if the people in the city start thinking you’re being cruel to your chickens if you don’t bring your chickens into your house,” said Dave. “I mean imagine having 30,000 chickens and being expected to have them in the house with you?”
“Sure would need a bigger house,” said Mabel.
“And a heck of a lot of those chicken diapers,” said Molly.
“Which might be enough for the maker to sponsor some arena, heaven forbid,” said Cliff.◊