OF EXPENSIVE DIVORCES IN THE WORLD OF THE ONE PER CENT
The world’s problems are solved daily ’round the table at Mabel’s.
“I’m glad I haven’t got a contract to sell pigs to Maple Leaf anymore,” said Dave Winston at the coffee session the other morning.
“You mean because of the divorce?” asked Cliff Murray.
“Are you getting divorced?” asked Molly Whiteside as she filled the coffee cups.
“No, not me,” said Dave. “Michael McCain!”
“I thought maybe your wife had finally got smart,” said Molly.
“So what’s Michael McCain getting a divorce to do with hog contracts?” wondered George McKenzie.
“The judge ordered Michael to pay his ex-wife $175,000 a month in support payments,” said Dave. “Those rich guys usually figure somebody else should pick up the tab for their expenses so if I was still shipping pigs to Maple Leaf I figure Michael would think I should share his pain.”
“That should keep her in Wonder Bread,” said Mabel from over behind the counter.
“How do you manage to spend $175,000 a month?” wondered Molly.
“Apparently very easily,” said Dave.
“Well there were the private schools for the kids, of course, and her personal entertainment expense of $5,500 a month and $2,600 for her yoga instructor and ‘basic’ household expenses of $12,000 a month,” said Cliff.
“Don’t forget the three-man crew on the yacht,” said Dave. “It’s nice to know I had a small part in supporting all that for so many years.”
“It’s no wonder F. Scott Fitzgerald said the rich are different than the rest of us,” said Mabel.
“I think they get so rich because they save their money for ‘essential’ things like yoga instructors,” said Molly. “Did you see that guy who was head of the air ambulance service, who was getting paid over a million dollars, still claimed $1.50 for a coffee or a cookie on his expense account.”
“Hey, maybe I could claim my bills here are a farm expense,” said George. “Call it a business consultation.”
“Jeez, I’d hope you wouldn’t think there was any good advice you could get from these losers,” said Molly.
“I want to get more than a free coffee and cookie,” said Cliff. “I thought maybe I’d like to take a trip to China and have the federal government pick up my expenses, like they did on that trade mission for 30 of the country’s top CEOs last year.”
“You mean these guys went to China to drum up business for their companies and the government picked up the tab?” asked Mabel.
“You suppose Michael McCain was one of them?” wondered Dave.
“And how many of those guys do you suppose complain about how the government wastes money,” said George
“Or pays accountants a small fortune to avoid taxes,” said Molly.
“Hey, even Prince Charles tried to get away with that one,” said Cliff. “I read that Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs claims he was avoiding taxes.”
“Pretty nervy when you get mill-ions from the taxpayers so you can live a lavish lifestyle,” said Molly.
“Oh, he’s got his own income as well,” said Cliff. “He’s got this estate, the Duchy of Cornwall, that earns $28 million a year.”
“Holy mackerel, where does all that come from?” asked Mabel.
“He’s got over 125,000 acres,” said Cliff. “The whole place is worth $1.1 billion.”
“It’s worth $1.1 billion and it only earns $28 million a year? If Prince Charlie’s that bad with money I guess we can be glad kings really don’t run countries anymore,” said George. “Let him concentrate on spending money. He’s good at it.”◊